Bear Weather Fans

 Hi, I'm Olin Kreutz. You probably remember me from my dynamic play at Center, my in-your-face attitude, or my 13 years playing for the Chicago Bears. While I'm proud of my work leading the offensive line (and locker room!) for the Chicago Bears, what I'm most proud of today is my new, life-changing system: The Olin Kreutz System for Conflict Resolution. "Whoa, conflict resolution? Haha I don't swing that way pal!" I know what it sounds like. But trust me. When you learn my life-changing methods for conflict resolution, nobody will joke or disrespect you. Ever again. They won't offer you the standard pay for a coaching assistant . They wouldn't dare. They wouldn't dare . Because of how good you'll be at conflict resolution. Let's begin. ...what was that? Did you say something? Did you say something? Oh, haha a water break! Ha! Of course! Everybody needs water! We're all having fun here! Ha! Ha. Well? Are you done interrupting now? Okay....

Hello, I can close my eyes and visualize an HD replay of an 8-ft ginger with a freshly-cut $18M check funded in part by my own viewership walk onto the field and immediately take a snap to the dick, causing a fumble and loss of possession to the Packers. $18 million, ladies and gentlemen      While for a normal fanbase, this would've been exhibit A in the case to dissolve the franchise, that wasn’t even the most embarrassing play that game . My point is – like the rest of you – I’ve spent enough time supporting a once proud organization rendered into a national laughingstock that I'm technically eligible for the Republican Primary. I can't tell you the specifics of any playoff overtime rules, but I can tell you with 100% confidence just how a QB can end a half with a negative passer rating, along with real-life examples while I stare off quietly. It’s just what happens to a human brain that’s exposed to more first-round picks spent on busted QBs than playoff wins for 1...