Duke Shelley Offers Worse Coverage than Nagy's Visor and Twice the Embarassment

    After re-watching the Packers film all week, there's only one conclusion. Well, I mean there's hundreds, most of them me screaming between bottles of whiskey demanding to know what God would allow this.

    But an important one: playing Duke Shelley in meaningful snaps against Aaron Rodgers is the defensive back equivalent of submitting an application for assisted suicide. He's not fast enough to cover receivers, not good enough of a tackler to be anything but a liability in the run game, and uses the energy he should spend on diagnosing plays to instead commit costly penalties to set up easy touchdowns. He's secondary euthanasia, except usually euthanasia is attempted to be performed with dignity.

    Why do we here at Bear Weather Fans call him "the only nickel who is literally worth that much"? Well, for starters—

 

1. Duke Shelley Doesn't Have the Speed to Cover Receivers (Or Anybody)

    Here Duke Shelley, the supposedly-3'rd but in-reality-at-most 6'th-best defensive back on the Bears roster, is inexplicably matched up against Davante Adams, the maybe 5'th-best receiver in the league. Great work, Pagano. Let's see how that goes, huh?

 

    Who could've predicted that the worst cornerback on the field would respond to one of the best wide receivers in the league by getting immediately burned? Okay, yeah, everyone yeah that checks out. Well at least it wasn't an important play an—

    Oh, what's that? It was fourth down, and gave the Pack a fresh set of downs at the goal line?

 

"I wanna hold your haaaaaaand—"

    Well, I mean that's just the result of him being lined up against a good receiver. Maybe against non-Davante Adams receivers he doesn't look comically slow since—

 

Ohhh

    Duke Shelley, #20 (as if the 1970's-caliber video the NFL shares every week as "Coach's Film" could ever make that readable), is the one at the bottom of the screen and also the roster. You'd be forgiven for thinking he was a referee leisurely jogging along to be within a few dozen yards of the action before the end of the day. Believe it or not, this guy's job is to cover NFL receivers.

 

    "Okay, well those are receivers, and the Packers have multiple. But hey, other players run routes, sometimes... right? Maybe he can cover, uh... tight ends instead, yeah? Just... maybe this 5'9", 175-lb cornerback can keep up with guys who are 8" taller and outweigh him by a hundred pounds, right?"

    Even if he could, it wouldn't matter, because the tight end's insane size advantage would mean he's basically still open, you simpleton. But also, no.

    Yes, that's a tight end, Robert Tonyan, outrunning Duke Shelley so hard that he creates about 4 yards of separation over the course of maybe 10. And that's while Shelley is blatantly holding him, as if he's Kazooie along for the ride on a Banjo who just needs some space, gosh let me feel my feelings, we talked about this.

    Do you understand how insane that is? That's like watching Tarik Cohen race Bobbie Massie in the cone drill and seeing Tarik not just get beat, but get lapped. 

2. He Isn't Smart Enough to Play Zone

    "Sure, he may not be able to keep up with, uh... any player, at any level of the field... but at least he's smart with his coverage, right?"

    Hahahahaahaaa

    That there is what happens when the Bears are in single-high coverage and Shelley (top of the screen, hilariously flailing out of bounds when attempting to tackle) is asked to pass a receiver off in his underneath zone. Instead, he gets pulled 20 yards off Rodgers' target before frantically springing back and missing his tackle by more yards than he ever should've had between them to begin with.

 3. Duke Shelley Also Can't Play Man

    Duke Shelley plays man coverage like I play relationships - just close enough to keep him around, but far enough away to be ultimately a hundred times more hurtful because of it. God that joke got away from me. He sucks at man. Bad.

    Shelley starts at the bottom-right of the screen, tasked with man coverage and proceeds to lay 5 yards off his man, never turning his head around even after every other player on the field has recognized that the play has happened. Hell, he never even moves towards the player with the ball. Had Quinn missed the tackle, and by god it was a real possibility, I'm convinced Shelley would still be jogging towards his own endzone, head in the clouds as he contemplates the whiff of breeze on the back of his neck while the Packers ball carrier sprints by at 180% Shelley's speed.

    Okay, sure, he can't keep up with anyone, and yes he doesn't know how to function in a zone, but, shit, he... hey, you can use him as a surprise blitz, right? A 5'9", 170-lb blitz. That's a thing, right?

4. He Can't Blitz Either

Can you remember the last time a Bears receiver was that open?

    You may have heard of Cover-0 Shell defense (you fucking nerd), but that there is the Bears ultra-secret Cover-0-Shell-ey defense, because it:

1. Features Duke Shelley in a "disguised" blitzing role
2. Literally covers 0% of the field. Like I think Davante Adams hasn't been that open since high school

    Does it make it worth it that this "disguised" blitz forced poor Danny Trevathan, run-stopping linebacker, to sprint with the gazelle-of-a-human Davante Adams just so Duke Shelley could have what he considers a purpose?

    No.
    Is it a surprise that Duke Shelley's blitz was so poorly-disguised that Rodgers legit didn't even seem to realize it was supposed to be disguised?

    sigh

 

 Okay, so he may not be able to be in the right spot... ever, honestly. But in the off chance he is at the right spot, at least he can finish the play and make the—

 5. Duke Shelley Can't Tackle Either, Seriously Just Give Up

    I bet you expected a clip of this, but how do you have a clip of something that doesn't exist? I might as well promise clips of Santa Clause. You're more likely to find clips of Jeffrey Epstein's suicide than you are Duke Shelley making a successful solo tackle in space.

    Pro-Football Reference credits Duke Shelley with a single solo tackle in the Packers game, which is already crazy - that means that for every time he tackles a player on your team, he gives you three touchdowns at best. He's the football equivalent of a suicide bomber, if a suicide bomber accidentally forgot to equip explosives and instead filled his plane with his country's top military secrets and their classified cure for cancer. I couldn't find a single solo tackle courtesy of Shelley, and I legit went through the entire game tape to find it, which is guaranteed more than he's watched it. In the time it took me to re-watch film to find his phantom tackle, Duke Shelley could've gleefully given up 90 more touchdowns.

    The closest play I can find to prove that Duke Shelley has a skill - the most compelling evidence I have to prove he belongs on an NFL field after that game - is Duke Shelley frozen in horror while Davante Adams blurs past him, running windsprints and catching effortless slants from Rodgers in the time it takes Shelley to register that the ball has been snapped.

    In reality, Adams went down as 80% a result of Dany Trevathan, but I picture whatever disillusioned statkeeper stuck in charge of tracking Duke Shelley's tackles knows exactly how much that dude could use a win.

Alright, Asshole, We Get Your Point. You Have Someone Better?

Yes, actually. Kindle Vildor - the next great Bears nickel back. But that's for another post.