Welcome to Bear Weather Fans!

Welcome, gentle, sexy readers, to the most exciting, in-your-face, Doritos Extra Ranch-level EXTREME site in all the low-grade amateur Chicago NFL-based sports blog world! Just by reading this far you've proven that you:
    1- are the kind of person who needs the cutting, no-holds barred insight that only low-tier hobbyist writers at Bear Weather Fans can offer
   2- have the disposable free time necessary to not complain when we waste yours
   3- have an internet connection

And for the above reasons, and presumably many, many more, you're exactly the kind of person Bear Weather Fans is looking for. We're sure you have many questions, almost none of which we're equipped to answer. Let's dive in!


Q - What is Bear Weather Fans?

Wow, loaded question much, rhetorical device? Jesus. You came to us. Now you're going to show up and act like we're the one who intruded on you? We don't show up in the 20-square-foot hovel you've branded as a "man cave" to cover for the fact that you don't own any decorations that haven't been sold to you by the McCaskey family. Chill.

Feels like we got off to a bad start, let's try that again. Hi! Some weather, amirite!?!? To answer your question, Bear Weather Fans is Chicago Bears blog by, and for, idiots! And like all idiots (and alcoholics!), we make the same dumbshit mistake every week by standing by this miserable trash heap of a team and whatever hapless failson they throw under center to take sacks that week. Some sportwriters opt for answering inane questions like who will win in the Bears QB battle (answer: almost certainly not we, the fans, for having to watch our 10,000'th stillborn QB battle of our lives) or whether or not Khalil Mack's little brother will ever be anything else (spoiler alert: no), we here at Bear Weather Fans opt for more analytical, hard-hitting thinkpieces like Who Has the Strongest Neck Game: The Bears All-Neck Team of the Past Decade or Mary, Fuck, Kill: Nagy, Pace, and Alligator Bob.


Q - Why start a Bears blog?

With the slow and inevitable death spiral of printed news, followed by the quick and brutal evisceration of every digital sports media you love, from the mass exodus at Deadspin, to the layoffs at the Ringer, to the death of the entire internet comedy landscape, to the layoffs at seriously, everything you love will die and the world is on fire, we checked in on our advanced analytics and came to the unshakeable conclusion: the future in online media is bright.
   With that in mind, we didn't want to risk getting too big. If that kid who showed up to our high school chemistry class late after smoking weed behind the bleachers imparted one lesson on us, it's that the absolute last thing you should ever be is mainstream. For that reason, we decided to cut our audience out to be as small and inaccessible as possible - why attract all sports fans when we can just absolutely refuse to address anything but the NFL? The only problem - there's 32 teams. What if we get a bunch of traffic from the millions of fans of all those teams?
  Not a problem, thanks to our coveted strategy of exclusively catering to 1/32 of our potential audience. That's right - we ony talk about the Chicago Bears, and even then only in the snarkiest, least helpful way possible. So don't ever worry about us selling out - we promise to never be marketable to anyone, anywhere. That's the Bear Weather Fans guarantee!


Q - Who the fuck are you and what gives you the right?

Look, even among the slathering parade of mouthbreathing simpletons that is the internet and blogging landscape, sports writing is not known for having a high bar of entry. Professional sports columnist Rick Telander once published a thinkpiece on whether or not Jay Cutler's diabetes gave him a concussion. Anyone with half a dozen braincells and an IQ above freezing is, if anything, overqualified to be a sports writer. We're not here to submit applications to Mensa - we're here to sit in our armchairs and angrily type through our Monday hangovers about which giant man hit which the best. Just, chill.



Q - How in the world do you plan on making money off of this shitty thing?

Welp, that about wraps it up. See you next time when our topic is: "Mark Trestman Hair - Back In (Parole) Season?"