Bear Weather Fans

Hey, Patrick here, the guy whose words you're reading. The past three weeks, I had the great pleasure/disorienting nightmare of joining Travis and Kyle over at Start Kyle Orton to try to read and explain Tyler Dunne's absolute atrocity of journalism that is the three-part "House of Dysfunction" series via a 3-part series of our own. Thus was born — "A Dramatic Reading of Ty Dunne's B.S." with a simple goal - attempt to explain the madness in all its blubbering glory: A Dramatic Reading of Ty Dunne's B.S., Part 1 ( Spotify link ) ( Youtube link ) A Dramatic Reading of Ty Dunne's B.S., Part 2 ( Spotify link ) ( Youtube link ) A Very Ty Dunne Final ( Spotify link ) ( Youtube link ) We did not succeed. We didn't come close. Over the course of a combined 3.5 hours of podcast across a three-part series, we got through reading maybe 10% of the (suspiciously erotically charged) words Tyler Dunne wrote on Caleb Williams. We processed maybe 1%. How c...

  Recently, the NFL has changed the rules on everything from kickoffs to whether or not you're allowed to touch the passer without a safeword and written apology (the answer is "no*", where the asterisk is "*unless they're on the Bears", in which case the refs will gladly turn their head while the pass rushers used the face of the franchise to scrub their cleats). Football fans are treating changes to their game with all the dignity and grace you would come to expect from a demographic who still suspects Tim Tebow was blackballed from the league because of Jesus but Colin Kaepernick should be dead. And seeing all of this rage from the very audience I write for over a few rule changes has inspired me with a simple goal: What if I Made This Worse   Here are some rule changes the absolute  prudes in the NFL are too scared to implement: 7. Field Goals Just Got More Intense A simple, binary 3-points-or-none is an outdated rule from an era where players were all m...

 If you're reading this, you know all the talking points already— Football coaches are, as a rule, antiquated, dogma-fueled, and generally optimized towards minimizing probability of embarrassment rather than maximizing probability of winning. The standard decision of kicking or punting on 4th down rather than going for it is based on mitigating humiliation, and flies in the face of analytics, which unequivocally point to coaches being laughably conservative, IE - " Punt, kick or go for it on fourth down? Method to NFL analytics models - ESPN ": Analytics! There's a consensus on the "why" as well - NFL coaches don't understand the numbers, analytics, or really even statistics in general. ...except that's complete horseshit. Fans haven't ran the numbers and don't understand the analytics. The average NFL fan can't get through a fantasy football draft without 13 legs up from ChatGPT, you telling me these ESPN fans've done a regression o...

A funny thing happened recently where the laughable ineptitude of past Bears coaches came up, today, and every day, all the time because it's an overflowing well for which there is no bottom. However, folks are often surprised as just how much I hate Matt Nagy. "You hate Matt Nagy!?"     I do. So much. So, so much. "Wait, is it because he blatantly ignored the very obvious limitations with his QB and offense and, rather than even try to come up with a solution, or even improvement,  instead spent a whole offseason in a pants-shittingly insane frenzy over a kicker battle?"     It sure doesn't help! "And then the guy who won the battle, Eddie Pineiro, got injured, and they, out of duress, went to Cairo Santos, who ended up being one of the most accurate kickers in Bears history? So they effectively proved their kicker battle was a pointless waste of time, an embarrassment to the franchise, and also not even effective at finding the best kicker?...

  The Chicago Bears walked into the locker room at the end of their first game with Ben Johnson as head coach after a loss to an NFC rival in the final moments of the one-score game to thunderous boos echoing through Soldier Field. Fans left in droves even before the clock ran out, leaving the stadium and feeling of the game as worryingly hollow. The Chicago Bears walked into the locker room at the end of their final  game of the season with Ben Johnson as head coach after a loss to an NFC rival in the final moments of the one-score game to thunderous cheers echoing through Soldier Field. Fans stayed long after the clock ran out, entire sections giving a roaring standing ovation of appreciation, leaving the stadium, and the season, with a feeling of hope . But what makes this season so special, now that the lights are off and the door is shut, with the Bears' playoff wins over the past 15 years going from 0 to just 1? How did a fanbase go from booing their head coach in his fi...

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Your beloved hosts take stock of the Bears at the end of the season, note all the many ways we exceeded expectations, and finally, look ahead at what could be for A PLAYOFF GAME AGAINST THE PACKERS AT HOME GUYS